I think the cookbook idea is great, Virginia! My dad is a diabetic and I did something similar for him and my mom to help them know what he can and can't eat. I sat down with a thick notebook and some dividers and made him his own cookbook with his favorite recipes, changed so that HE could still enjoy them! I'm sure your mom will appreciate the recipes! Good Luck!
Thanks for your kind words everyone. I guess I just get antsy about it all because she lives so far away from me. The same goes with my siblings. If something were to happen to her, it would take quite alot of time to get to her. But since I can't change that right now, the best thing to do is to just keep talking to her, and helping in a supportive way as much as possible.
One thing she has to change about her lifestyle is her eating habits, so one thing I was thinking about doing is collecting some healthy recipes/meal ideas and making her a kind of online cookbook. Hopefully it will help her.
Sorry to hear about your mom's health, Virginia. I would sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk and just tell her you want to have her around for a long time. Tell her instead of working all those hours, she could be enjoying her children and grandchildren. My mom can be stubborn (especially regarding health issues), but in the end she comes around. Usually, I keep after her until she does what she's supposed to be doing. She's usually the first person to tell a member of the family to go to a doctor, but she's the last to take her own advice.
You are not meddling - you're acting like a loving and concerned daughter. I say do what you have to do until she does what she's supposed to be doing...it's all out of love for her
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom Virginia. It can never hurt just to talk to her about it. You can say your peace and it will be hard but you will have to let her take care of it in the end. I think if she knows how much the family is worried it will help her to see that she does need to make some changes.
My grandmother is 89 and is very stubborn. She is now living with my mom as my mom is the assisted living. The doctor told my grandmother her cholesterol is way to high and she is on meds but refuses to eat the right things. My mom said she is not going to be the food police. That my grandmother knows what she needs to do but just does not want to do it. Of course with her age she just wants what she wants now. If it was my mom in that situation she would make the change to keep herself healthy. Your mom might just need some time to adjust.
Unfortunately I have to take back my words about my parents being healthy; at least for one of them. My mom just revealed to us that she has dangerously high blood pressure, and the meds she was put on aren't working. They are trying some new stuff out on her to get it under control. She also had a chest x-ray and was told that she has a slightly enlarged heart, a result likely from the high bp.
Aside from worrying sick about her, I also am at my wit's end because she is a very stubborn woman! She works 60-80 hour work weeks and I worry she will not cut-back like she needs to do, or will say she is but really isn't. My brother says, well, she's a grown woman and can make her own choices. I have a hard time accepting that, and try to talk with her about making changes. I just want her around a long, long time and can't let her just run herself down.
Anyone ever faced with a difficult relative in a situation like this? Am I meddling? How did you handle it? Even if you haven't, what do you think you would do?
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Edited by Host_Virginia at 09/03/2008 6:22 PM PDT
I'm fortunate in that I'm an only child and my parents had me young, but the realization that I could lose both of them regardless of age hit me when my dad had two heart attacks in a week back in 2006. While we got very lucky and he did NOT need bypass surgery, I would have faced a very difficult decision if he had.
My mother, at the time, was working full time. I work from home, so I would have had to move to where they lived to nurse him. Naturally, that would have placed a strain on my marriage - my husband had a job where we were living at the same time. I'm glad I didn't have to, but it certainly contributed to our decision to move closer!
My parents had me later in life as well. They're nearing their 70s and Im not yet in my 30s. Ive found it really to see my parents getting older and more frail over the uears. My dad was always my strong rock, now I get to be HIS strong rock! KWIM?
My mom had me later in life so she's in her 70's and I'm definitely not yet in my 40's and 50's like a lot of people with an elderly parent. I try to relate sometimes but it is hard because I'm younger and have a different situation. I also think my mom expects more of me this way. We don't have the best relationship.
My parents are divorced, my Dad lives in my state but 8 hours away, and my Mom lives in much further away. I love them both equally of course but it's weird; I am alot closer to my Dad and my sister is alot closer to our Mom. Not sure why, that's just how it is. I give alot of thought though to the future, my Dad is in his 60s now and my Mom in her late 50s. Health wise they are ok, but I wonder about the future. I wonder what will happen when they need me more? How do you prepare for the possibility they won't be able to do for themselves anymore?
Yes, Jenna, it's almost like a role reversal. My parents have always been there for me up and until today. I am very lucky to have both them in my life. My dad's health isn't the best and my mom takes on a lot. She fell the other day and got banged up, but of course would not go to the ER to see if her ankle was broken. I've been going over and getting lunch and dinner ready for them. My mom doesn't like having to depend on anyone, although she is always there for her family. It has been my pleasure to take care of her and I'm glad she wasn't seriously hurt.
I do think about the future as my parents are getting up there in age, and I honestly don't know what I would do without them. So anything I can do for them now, I consider a blessing.
My relationship changed with my mom as I got older and then when I had my first child I really understood what she went through. We have always been close and pretty much discuss everything. She really is my best friend and I know when she gets older I will be there to take care of her.
As I've gotten older, I've noticed that obviously my relationship with my parents has changed when we all made the transition from child and parents to adult child and parents, but now that they are growing older, the relationship has changed again. We're a lot closer than we were and I find myself in an increasing role of confidant and secondary decision-maker in their lives.
While I am enjoying it, this new shift is a change for me - it brings home to me that my parents are indeed growing older and that they are depending on me as an adult child to keep their welfare for the future in mind. It's a burden of love and trust, one that I am flattered to carry.. but still an adjustment.
Good Luck!
