Hi Frazzled, thanks for the birthday wishes. You sound like you try hard to keep your friendships going and that you have good intentions. I know that we all get caught up in our own lives, families, and problems and before you know it someone's special day has come and gone. Your new challenge sounds like a great idea. I find this site gives me some food for thought on certain topics also. You seem like a caring and thoughtful person and I'm sure your friends know that - and they will be delightfully surprised when they receive your small gesture/gift in the future.
I am soo sorry that you feel unmemorable mkupjunkie, your post has opened my eyes. I am terrible with remembering dates, and VERY guilty of forgetting birthdays for friends that I grew up with even. I can see how they may feel slighted by me and probably didn't bother to say anything to me. I am a giving person and always the one to make plans and call my friends just to see how they are doing. I try really hard to keep our friendship alive even though we are all busy with families; the one thing that would make them feel like they are special to me is the thing that I just can't seem to get right. I am going to sit with my calendar and write down everyone's birthday so that I can at least give them a call or send a card. My new challenge is to think of a small gesture/gift that I can give for each of the special people in my life, we should all feel like we matter to those around us. Thanks again for opening my eyes to this and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, may all your future days bring you something special!
Happy belated birthday! This site IS great isn't it? I've been telling a few of my friends about it since it seems to be a little slow. Hoping we can get more people here to talk to.
Happy Late Birthday! You really sound like a wonderful friend and they are really lucky to have you. I'm sure one day they are going to look back and realize what a wonderful friend you really are!
I've been reading a memoir about life in Iowa during the depression. One of the points the author makes is that by being forced by the times and circumstance to cooperate and share responsibilities and activities, friendships seemed to be deeper. There was also a much stronger emphasis on courtesy and manners, like thank you notes and table manners.
Friendships now seem to be bound together only by social outings rather than life tasks and courtesy.
I know how you feel makeupjunkie, it's hard to be the forgotten one, the one that doesn't matter. We expect more from friends, because thats what friends are suppose to be for, otherwise they are just aquantances.
First, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! I'm so sorry it wasn't a memorable one. Everyone should have a wonderful birthday.
I am very giving as well. It's in my nature, I just love to give to people. I've just had to learn that everyone is not that way. Some only think of theirselves and others just truely aren't "givers". I don't think you can be TOO giving. I think you sound like a wonderful person. Don't stop being a "giver" just because you ran across a few greedy "takers". In the end, you look like the bigger person and people respect that.
Thanks, Dolphin4Me...she called me early the next day and we settled the matter. I've learned to not keep things in anymore. I say what I have to say and move on without holding a grudge. I am going to hold back on friend #1's receiving. (I've learned to do that when I feel I am being taken advantage of). I really don't think she gets it.
The three of us went out to dinner the following night. Friend #2 admitted she forgot and felt terrible about it also. Thinking about it, I kind of feel "unmemorable". Is it possible that I am too giving - my parents are that way and sometimes I think it's to a fault
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Some people never can see past the end of their own nose it seems. Happy late birthday, I hope you had some sort of enjoyment that day.
It sounds almost as if friend #1 had grown addicted to receiving. Bailing her out and supporting her seems expected, and she is caught up in her own drama to the point of not seeing anything, or anyone, past that. At least friend #2 tries. Maybe some tough love is called for? Stop giving #1 what she expects. If she finally catches on, good for her, if not, well, some folks never change.
If you aren't getting anything positive out of it, maybe it's time to just let her go? Or am I being harsh?
Ok, so I'm the one who posted the 5 Simple Rules to be Happy. I want to blow off some steam on Rule #5 - Expect Less.
I have 2 friends I have been socializing with for the past 2 1/2 years. I figured out Friend #1, is somewhat mysterious and pretty much self-involved. She doesn't work and most of her time is centered around doing things for herself. Friend #2 works and has grown children. She talks alot, and seems like she doesn't listen when you have a chance to speak. Both of these women are "separated", living with their husbands and basically not doing much about getting a divorce. They live in an "uncomfortably" comfortable security blanket (if you know what I mean)
We go out pretty regularly every Friday night, with some exceptions. Last weekend I was sick. Friend #1 called me and I told her I wasn't going out. She said "I hope you feel better" then went on to make plans with a different friend. I never heard from her during the week to see how I was doing. Friend #2 called me on Sat. and asked how I was and she said she didn't go out because she had a lot of chores to catch up on.
For both Friend #1 and #2 when it was their birthdays, I was the one who made plans to take them out. Friend #1 starts telling you a month in advance that her birthday is coming up. I tell her in advance what we are doing. Friend #2 and I split the dinner bill and we gave her her gifts. For Friend#2's birthday I tell her we're taking her out for dinner. Friend #1 begs out, making excuses so I foot the dinner bill. She says she'll take her out another time, never does, and gives her her gifts the next time she sees her. She cries money problems, but always seems to take care of her needs first and foremost.
On more than a couple of occasions, both friends asked me when my birthday is (even tho we have celebrated it in the past). I tell them each time.
My birtday comes around and I don't hear from either one all week regarding any "plans". Friend #1 calls me after 7PM and says "is it your birthday?" I said "yes" and I was not my cheery self with her. She asks me if I am mad, and I said I expected my friends to have least made plans on a Friday night to go out (as we usually do). She goes on to say, "I didn't know...the last time we spoke you were sick and I told you to call ME when you are feeling better (she never said that). Then she goes one to excuse #2, " I didn't know if you were going out with your family (parents). I said, "did you even bother to call me and ask me?" I told her it wasn't up to me to make plans to take me out for my birthday. She responds by telling me we"ll celebrate another day. I told her I didn't feel like talking anymore and was going to hang up. She asked me not to, and then tells me how she "just got up" (mind you it's after 7PM). I told her "the world doesn't revolve around you", said "goodbye" and hung up. I guess Ms. Self Absorbed just couldn't find time in her busy day (NOT) to call me and make plans to celebrate my birtdhay. She would have been livid if this was done to her.
Ironically, twenty minutes later, my phone rings and Friend #2 leaves a cordial message and says she just got home from work, asks if I want to go out to dinner and celebrate on Saturday? (I get the impression that Friend #1 called her, but Friend #2's conversation doesn't lead me to believe this.
Birthdays to me, are not about the gifts anymore. These women know how much I look forward to going out and socializing on a Friday night. Neither one thought enough to make plans, knowing I would be alone.
I feel I was an after-thought and am feeling very hurt once again by so-called friends. My ex used to tell me not to expect people to be like me. All I wanted was a little thought and effort from both of these women. Are people in general so self- absorbed, or am I expecting too much? When is expecting less too much
Friendships are supposed to be a Give and Take Relationship...but I feel like I'm doing all the Giving!
Thanks for letting me vent.
PS I won't even get into how much I have done for Friend #1, in particular.
!!!!
We're glad you found this site too! *smile* and have a great day today. 
Everyone should have a wonderful birthday.
